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While the merely awkward are at least subconsciously aware of these variables when they’re engaged in an interaction, someone with AS is wired to assume that (a) if someone finds us attractive, they will directly and immediately state it from the get-go and (b) they would want us to do likewise.

The idea that people communicate interest other than through what they actually say, or that even what someone says is fraught with layers and nuances — none of this occurs to us, since our instinct (which we assume the rest of the world shares) is to just say what we think and feel at length without any filters.

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While the resulting sense of loneliness is not unique to the mildly autistic, as Russell’s quote itself makes clear, having AS significantly hinders one’s ability to cure it. Mahari, people with AS may be able to "feel a tremendous amount of empathy, compassion, sadness, happiness, and so forth," but "it is not natural for us to communicate and to express our emotions in a social/relational context the way that it is second nature to NT's [Neurotypicals, or people without AS]. It is work and requires effort and energy." Not only does this cause people with AS to often come off as emotionless and lacking in empathy, but it makes the process of falling in love almost alien to us — you can't develop or identify chemistry without knowing how to give off and read cues, or feel truly connected to someone with whom you can only communicate by feigning mastery of a social language in which you'll never be fluent.

Love requires not only the ability to have "loving" feelings for someone else, but the ability to have those feelings reciprocated, create "chemistry" in a relationship and, ultimately, create a deep and mutual romantic bond. This isn’t to say that there is no hope if you have AS.

As I explained in an earlier article on my personal experiences with AS, "If life in a society is a game (and make no mistake about it, it is), having Asperger's forces you to play while learning two-thirds of the rules as you go along, even as everyone else knows them instinctively ...

Since people communicate through both verbal and nonverbal methods, those of us with AS are frequently at a disadvantage when attempting to socialize in our personal and professional lives.

See Who Wants to Find Someone Like You for Friendship, Romance, Companionship, and More.

Your Aspie Mate Could Be Waiting for You Online Right Now!For most people with Asperger’s it’s a day to day challenge to feel safe and understood by neurotypical people.And even though there is a number of dating sites for people with high functioning autism, most of those are expensive pay-sites where you have to dish out a month for the same features that privides for ,- a year!Dating while having Asperger's used to be a tricky matter, but not any more. Your email is safe with us - other members will not be able to see it.Also, you can opt out of any unwanted email notifications at any time. Set your photo as “Private” and only your friends (members that you choose) will be able to see them.Others with AS have told me about similar stories, all linked by a common theme: We experience dating, as we do all other social rituals, as non-native bumblers, struggling to comprehend a culture of Byzantine complexity (in our eyes) and lacking the unassailable logic of being entirely direct, straightforward, verbalized, and emotionless (which is clearly reasonable… Few pieces of advice are more frustrating to a mild autistic, since "common sense" in dating involves intuitively knowing the assumptions that others will make about you based on the cues you give off through what you say and do — which, of course, is precisely what AS causes you to miss.

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