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Not only do I not wish to date within my own race, I prefer to date my own gender.

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I’ve gone on dates with women who seemed great on dating apps, only to have them tell me, “I love ethnic girls.” Dating interracially, there have been times when the woman I am dating shows no interest whatsoever in my cultural background, just that I’m a “hot Asian.” It’s very rare for someone I’m dating to show any interest in the cultural customs I grew up with or my race.

I’ve been on them all, and Tinder seems to have the most diverse pool of users in terms of ethnicity. Coffee Meets Bagel has the most male Asian users from what I’ve seen, but the conversations I’ve had on there haven’t been great. It was gross: fetishes for Asian women I’ve used Bumble, Ok Cupid and Coffee Meets Bagel.

It’s interesting; they don’t seem to know what’s appropriate to say and what isn’t.

Physical appearance is something they always bring up and they always come on extremely strong and in your face from the beginning.

The women I have dated understood that I desired equality within a relationship, that we would be partners. Nobody has ever said to me, “I’m not into Asian guys.” That said, actions speak louder than words, and I don’t match as often as I’d like on dating apps in Pittsburgh. I’m a pharmacist and I was engaged to someone who didn’t graduate college, and it created such a problem in my family.

I haven’t had to deal with Asian fetishization; I mean, how often have you heard women say, “Oh shit, I only date Asian guys! There’s this expectation that the man should have an equal or higher degree than the woman, and for me and my fiance, it obviously wasn’t the case.

In my head, our races created a power dynamic and the pendulum swung more in favor towards my partner.

But I’ve come to learn that I cannot build up my confidence based on other boys’ perception of my looks or my race.

I know my parents want the person I’m in a relationship with to come from a good family that has good values.

Well, I’m on a dating app, and I’d say 80 percent of the profiles I come across belong to FOBS.

It’s more of a reflection of them as opposed to me, and I owe it to myself to never internalize someone else’s poisonous opinion.

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