Funny one liners dating men

Life is like toilet paper, you're either on a roll or taking crap from some asshole.

Life without women would be a pain in the butt, literally.

Q: What do you call an IT teacher who touches up his students? A: Papa Boner Q: How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her? Q: What do George Zimmerman, OJ Simpson and Masturbation have in common?

funny one liners dating men-71

Which means we go back to a time when [Groom} looked more like Chunk from The Goonies and less like the suave man sitting before us tricking [Bride] into thinking that watching him do the Truffle Shuffle in the mirror isn’t in her near future.

[Groom] really is the best friend I could have ever asked for.

If they are under 18, it's best you do them in your head.

Q: What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? A: Chicken Poodle soup Girls are like math problems.

A: A heavy discussion Q: What do you call a party with 100 midgets? Q: What do going down on an old woman and a pork pie have in common? A: Chewing gum Q: Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll?

A: A virgin Q: What do you call two fat people talking? Q: What does in hard and dry, but comes out soft and wet?

A: A guy will actually take time to search for a golf ball. Q: What do you call a woman who is paralyzed from the waist down? Q: Why does it take 100 million sperms to fertilize one egg? Q: What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? A: By the time you're finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in. A: The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel. A: One smells like fish and has a moustache, and the other is a walrus. A: They both stick their meat in 10 year old buns Q: What do you call crystal clear urine? A: For fingering A minor Q: Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose? Q: What do Princess Diana and Pink Floyd have in common?

Q: What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A: He was shooting for the stars Q: What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common? Q: What's the difference between a walrus and a lesbian? A: Piccassole Q: What do you call an afghan virgin? A: 69 with three people watching Q: What three words will ruin a man's ego? " Q: What’s the difference between your dick and a bonus check? Q: What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist?

A: Condoms have evolved: They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore. Q: Did you hear about the cannibal that made a bunch of businessmen into Chili? Q: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur A: A lickalotopuss Q: How is a woman like a condom? A: A Master Baiter Q: What's the difference between a girl and a washing machine? A: Virgin Mobile Q: What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? A: Your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows. A: If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner Q: How is life like a penis?

Q: What do you call the useless piece of skin on a dick? Q: What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom? A: As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty. A: If you don't know what hole to put it in neither do they. A: The refrigerator doesn't fart when you take your meat out Q: What do you call an expert fisherman? A: So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.

But now we sit here [x] years later, [Groom] has grown into a wonderful man and he’s sure to be a wonderful husband to you [Bride].

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