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My gut finally forced me to confront the truth: I asked him if he resented my fibromyalgia, this aspect of me. My pain condition is so deeply ingrained in me, so deeply a part of me, that hating it is to hate the whole. Humans don’t work that way — or, at least, I don’t.

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Regaining that ability didn’t happen overnight for me, but I am back to trying complete vulnerability again.

It feels infinitely more worthwhile than only sharing the surface-level pleasantries.

I’ve always been okay with that: working with people.

Relationships are complex; no one is perfect all the time.

For many, it came at a young age, and a big cost to who they would become.

There is no definition that explains what it feels like, or what it means to come from a broken home.I quietly excused his behavior because I did not want to believe what I already knew.We continued like this until a rainy April day in 2015. “I treated you differently because of it, yes,” he said. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t still carry some scars about all the months I didn’t fully understand the root of his behavior (or was in denial). But hidden within my analysis after our relationship ended was that aforementioned lesson: My ex did not love me, as he once claimed — at least, not in any way I consider worthwhile.I am used to being multiple steps ahead at all times.I constantly predict how each decision I make might affect my body, which leads to some advanced forecasting skills.I feel quite sure that the right person will take all my pros and cons, flaws and smarts, expansiveness and brokenness, and help me appreciate it in full; I will do the same for them.

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