Melayu sex talk
And the first words that came to my mind were "whole-hearted." These are whole-hearted people, living from this deep sense of worthiness. And I want to separate courage and bravery for you for a minute.So I wrote at the top of the manila folder, and I started looking at the data. My husband left town with the kids because I always go into this Jackson Pollock crazy thing, where I'm just writing and in my researcher mode. Courage, the original definition of courage, when it first came into the English language — it's from the Latin word "cor," meaning "heart" — and the original definition was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart.What underpinned this shame, this "I'm not good enough," — which, we all know that feeling: "I'm not blank enough. So, I could tell you a lot about shame, but I'd have to borrow everyone else's time.
And when you ask people about connection, the stories they told me were about disconnection.
So very quickly — really about six weeks into this research — I ran into this unnamed thing that absolutely unraveled connection in a way that I didn't understand or had never seen.
And that was, the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they're worthy of love and belonging. So what I did is I took all of the interviews where I saw worthiness, where I saw people living that way, and just looked at those. I have a slight office supply addiction, but that's another talk.
So I had a manila folder, and I had a Sharpie, and I was like, what am I going to call this research?
" I was like, "Let me think about this for a second." I tried to call deep on my courage. When you ask people about belonging, they'll tell you their most excruciating experiences of being excluded.
I want to hack into these things that I know are important and lay the code out for everyone to see. Because, by the time you're a social worker for 10 years, what you realize is that connection is why we're here.
This idea of, in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen. I'm going in, I'm going to figure this stuff out, I'm going to spend a year, I'm going to totally deconstruct shame, I'm going to understand how vulnerability works, and I'm going to outsmart it. My one year turned into six years: Thousands of stories, hundreds of long interviews, focus groups.
At one point, people were sending me journal pages and sending me their stories — thousands of pieces of data in six years. I kind of understood, this is what shame is, this is how it works.
And so I pulled back out of the research and thought, I need to figure out what this is. And shame is really easily understood as the fear of disconnection: Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it, that I won't be worthy of connection?
The things I can tell you about it: It's universal; we all have it.
At the core of the campaign is the importance of talking about depression as a vital component of recovery.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating