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And that is just my way of going: “Hey, this is a way that I serve my wife.” And then, while we do dishes, I tend to just talk about the ways that I try to make space for Lauren’s gifts.So, this is an intentional, organic kind of culture of discipleship that I hope is woven into the life of The Village. Whatever you normally do, can I just come and join you in that?What can members of local churches practically do to help godly marriages happen, instead of just telling men, “Man up and get your life together,” and telling women, “Stop waiting around and be active in your singleness?

questions about dating relationships-20questions about dating relationships-65

Because what I have tragically found is that Christian singles hit an area of desperation, particularly young women, and they will go: “Yeah, he is a Christian, he comes to church.” And really what they’re saying is this guy comes to church a couple of times a month, but outside of attending a service, he doesn’t have a real seriousness about growing in his understanding of the Lord, growing in his understanding of the Bible, being a prayerful person, no vivication or mortification that can be spotted, and no one who really knows them enough to speak to the growth in their character.

Now practically speaking, this means singles are seeking out people to speak into their lives.

I am going to be real cautious about saying there is such a thing as “too fast.” What I would rather ask is this: What’s driving the speed?

If mere physical attraction or some kind of emotive, frilly, this-is-the-one weirdness is driving the speed, then, yes.

And so I think the church really serves and helps Christian singles consider marriage and consider dating.

Within the covenant community of faith, there should be those around a person that can speak of their reputation and whether they are serious about growing in the Lord and putting sin to death in their life. Is there seriousness in this person to grow in their relationship and understanding with the Lord?

I think the way that local churches can practically help godly marriages happen outside of telling single men to “man up” and telling single women to “stop waiting around to be active in your single life” — though I do think there is a space for telling single men and women this. What does it look like to serve, love, and encourage your wife? What does it look like to be a man of God in relation to your wife?

Personally, I try to do this by having single men into our home. I will help set the table, and then afterwards that young man gets to help me do the dishes.

We have a staff person here who met and married her husband in a matter of months. I hardly knew they were dating before they were engaged.

In your experience, in what ways has technology changed the way young people date today? If we are talking about a young man and a young woman who are actively dating, who have defined their relationship, and who know they are in a growing and committed relationship with one another, then I think technology creates an avenue to encourage one another and to connect more frequently.

The ability to text or to tweet or to just write on someone’s wall enables you to flirt and tease without there ever being a “what-exactly-is-this-relationship” moment.

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