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She’s going to sip it in the daintiest way possible, which makes it look even worse. When you were six years old you were already playing the forward position on your school team, and have been playing the sport ever since. And, of course, she never gets close to the juicer, in case it bites. Your most precious belonging is the official Real Madrid jersey signed by Raúl. But from 2008 to 2012 — when the Spanish team didn’t suck anymore — everyone in the country became soccer crazy.

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Now even your Spanish girlfriend, who never gave a damn about the sport, knows more (or thinks she knows more) about it than you.

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